washing thin veils of civility

into pools of beguiling notions

running quickly down the ghetto gutter

burrowing a trench along the urban sprawl

where the most powerless among us

can slurp it up from tiny red straws

pretending it is the sleeping cocktail

that will justify our violent expressions

and intoxicate our passionate revolts

against the status quo of prevailing memes

aging submissive postures ripe for giving up

every revolutionary vision we bury

out of sight in pursuit of pure survival

numbing the validity of consequences

so that mindfulness might cast

storybook rainbows across the

visceral landscapes of humanity

if only to remind the dead among us

rage must never fall like rain.

KLR ~ Aug. 28, 2011

and to the truth for which I stand,

one human expressing God,

indestructible, with peace and plenty for all.

Namaste’

~KLR 7/10/11

I remember the swirling dance of emotions, thoughts and physical aches that had been co-creating my reality slowing down like a scene from the matrix, bending in surrender to the opening of an even greater nothingness. Then suddenly, I connected. I knew.

“Life is bigger than this! Bigger than this moment, bigger than the death of this one boy and bigger than a mother’s grief. “Life is Huge” I’d connected. I knew. If this were not profound enough check out what happened next.

In that instant of clarity, I decided (chose, purposefully acted) to align myself, my entire spiritual self, mindfully humbled and in deep reverent AWE with that moment of knowing, with that profound connection to all that was -beyond mortal life and death! I was connected beyond me.

From that place of connection – beyond awareness (mind) beyond the balcony (physical) beyond my grief for losing mine (emotional)- Uriah was fully present! …along with everything and everyone else. An amazing INSTANT where the veil of waking consciousness was not pulled back but thin, very very translucently thin.

I admit and declare my humble awe that this is the story I was given to tell.  And remaining always-ever present to the power and truth of this knowing has certainly proven to be a mighty challenge to say the least.

None-the-less, this is My ALIVE.  I am committed to being ALIVE beyond me, just past the place where I know what is real. That is My ALIVE.

Just past that instant on the balcony, I wrote…

“Yes, this death is a defining moment in my life but I decide how it defines me! I will live as if Life is Bigger than Death.”

Peeking backwards I easily see myself being attracted to this soulful quality again and again in my relationships, my work choices, music, art and leisure.  I see how much of this quality I have integrated into my life and my personality. I feel so in love with it. This quality of soulfulness feels like me plus divine and I crave the sweetness of each moment saturated with its impulse to thrive.

It sounds strange to call it by this new spiritually elite name but my evolutionary self is whispering its joy this morning as it assures me that it has been with me always and that I’ve known it as my Soul.  My body naturally moves to bow in humble reverence for having known it as so much a part of me and seeing it so beautifully in others for such a long time. I honor every awakened glimpse of its magnificent expression.

This quality in me and in others is distinctly differently from that of Spirit or God which needs nothing, feels timeless, weightless, huge, and spacious. My soul is certainly discernable from my ego mind of cautions and criticisms which seems to echo the world’s patterns, motivations and values so absolutely unconcerned with soulful impracticality.

It is hard to express how still I feel in this moment, like the great pause of an aha moment at the peak of a giant holy mountain called life as I know it.  I’ve been climbing up and down and all around this mountain for 3 decades, reaching and pausing on little summits all along the way fully believing that if I just keep going I would one day reach the top where my life would make perfect sense and cease being such an arduous endeavor.

~ Endeavoring to find myself, my dharma and God more fully expressed and my safety the prize inside the box but as I stand in this aha looking out over all that is possible and magnificent about me and my life, I admit not knowing much more than I did before about what will happen next. Strangely I do feel less threat, safer perhaps.

I sense a relaxed peace and hear a resounding ‘YES’ breathing in and out of me as my soul takes the lead. This is an incredible surrender for my ego self who has worked so cunningly to protect and shield my soul from a soulless world.  Insisting it must be the leader of this human walkabout and resisting my soul’s direction at any cost. The cost of my ego-led life has been high and not just for me personally but for all of us.

I giggle and smile as my mind tries to make sense ~ “yeah, you are like a soul whisperer and your dharma is to be soulfully expressed so that it’s safer for others to be soulful, so that we can move and rise soulfully through the mountain and valleys of our evolution.” Man, that sounds so cool, doesn’t it?  (grandiose enough for my ego to dismiss) And yet, this whisper or knowing about a soulful me hardly acts as the map to the treasure box of answers I once sought to find.

It’s a good thing I think that my soul requires no map and no instruction on how to be or where to go or how to lead my ego or how to breathe from the ground of being. A soulful life motioning toward God, checking my ego as I move? Yes, I can do that now. and so can you.

Great song emerging from Jewel as she finds her way back from a dark time of reprieve.

“Art sings through the human heart like a self address message from our beloved with a note of encouragement that only our soul can read and send back.” ~ a witness of greatness once said.

…in response to this video. Incredible!

Poised on the brink of my potential
glory shining
beyond the cowardly stench of my screaming normality
holding awkwardly my next step toward sacred ground
beating against the tide of dis-belief
claiming my inheritance
rhythm sings
fate surrenders
drenched in fear
falling forward
faith flying
over top
the brink.

Aching me sore are the muscles

barely holding my weary head

just high enough to balance

my precarious states of dread

Aching me sore is the tired

my limbs seeming to crack

slumping my shoulders deeply

rounding the small in my back

Aching me sore is the moving

yearning to take me somewhere

blistering steps in the soul of my feet

callous my once tender care

Aching me sore is the notice

my hope squinting to see

forcing through muddled visions

for the me I was left here to be

Aching me sore are the tears

bubbling warm from beneath

swelling the cause in my journey

to shallow the colors of grief

Aching me sore is the constant

pulsing inside hidden scars

longing to itch for the healing

but begging the end isn’t far

KLR ~ July 2007

artist unclear Pic source